Tag Archives: life

Winding Down

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I am sad to say that my summer break is almost over. This summer went by faster than any summer in my memory. It was good in many respects, but I am sad to say goodbye to the luxury of time. Recently, I went swimming and had the whole pool to myself. I floated for a long time, and then finished one of my favorite summer books in the sun. 

This summer was busier than I really wanted it to be, and I’m going to have to be cognizant of scheduling less next year. I taught and volunteered. I spent time with people I love. I got a new tattoo. I took lots of naps. I finalized two short stories and submitted them to contests. I ate good food and did a lot of dancing and yoga. I organized my bedroom and bathroom. I was able to slow down. 

I am excited to see students and staff I care about, but am sad to let go of the ease in my days. So often during the school year, I run too hard and over schedule and it leads me to exhaustion. I am hoping to be able to hold on to some of these summer practices, as I move into the coming months. 

There are things that I wanted to accomplish that didn’t happen too.  I wanted to write more and finish a novel this summer. I wanted to complete more short stories and re-organize my whole house. I wanted to find more freelance writing opportunities and make more money. It is easy to berate myself for the things I did not accomplish. Yet I’ve learned it doesn’t serve me to focus on those things. At one point, as I was complaining about not getting more writing finished, a close friend said, “You chose to work and volunteer this summer, so you didn’t have enough time to finish that. You’ll still get it done, just not before you head back to work. ” 

That should have been obvious to me, but it took someone else pointing out that certain choices, made other intentions difficult. And there wasn’t any reason to judge those choices or intentions. When I am honest, I didn’t finish the novel, but I did fix a lot of plot holes and I am in a better position to finish it now. 

I also have continued to build a yoga practice over the summer. I am coming to the mat for exercise, yes, but I also come to the mat to breathe and become more centered. The yoga challenges me and supports me mentally and physically. I still have a long way to go, but I am finding solace in the strength and flexibility I am building. I have come to crave the time spent there, to turn off my brain and slow down. Perhaps yoga is another way of bringing my slowness and intention of summer into my daily life during the busy school year. 

I often feel that my new years observation and reflection revolve around the school year beginning. I think a lot of teachers feel the same. I have been thinking in the past week of all the things I want to do during the year, but in the last couple of days, I have been rethinking building any more “shoulds” into my life. Yes, I want to write more and I am the kind of person who always is loooking for ways to learn and grow, however, this year I want to continue to cultivate a blend of presence and stillness. That means I want to write as often as possible because it’s a part of me and I feel better when I’m doing it. It means that I might also take a nap instead of writing one day because that’s what I need more. I am also going to try my best to continue to let go of my judgment as to what constitutes a good, productive day. 

My personal life is also changing and in anticipation of these changes, I am choosing to build more freedom into my life. A schedule is helpful, but sometimes I get too many things on the calendar and don’t have the freedom to just be spontaneous. I hope I can change that this year. 

Here’s to a beautiful summer that went by too fast. Here’s to a new school year and a continued commitment to whatever feels best to me in the moment. 

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March Madness

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I’m not talking about basketball… this has been a crazy 24 hours in Colorado. Spring storms can be unpredictable, but this last storm was unbelievable. We even got a snow day today to boot. It started raining at 3:00 pm and by 5:30 Denver was a winter wonderland. By 6:00 pm it was a total whiteout and I have never been so scared to be on the road. By the time I got home, I was shaking and in tears. Tonight, there is still a ton of snow around, but the roads are clear and dry. Go figure.

This is my Spring break from the university and even though I’ve been subbing, I haven’t had homework or reading to work on. I’ve been able to get some things done that I’ve been avoiding and I already feel lighter. By the end of the week I will be able to take a deep breath and finally feel settled. I’ve also been working with feeling my feelings for real and connecting with my body again. I have lived in my head for so long, it seems strange to check in with my body but it seems like the key to whats been missing for a long time. It’s a least a good place to start.

A good friend of mine just emailed that she has three agents interested in her manuscripts and I’m so happy. This amazing warrior woman has the greatest work ethic I have ever seen. She has worked so hard and I am overwhelmed with excitement for all the great things that are coming her way! Congrats Sam!

It’s a Girl!

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My best friend had a baby girl last night and I’m still reveling in it and not fully prepared to put it all into words yet…

School is good, but still kicking my butt. I feel like my wheels are spinning all the time! My life is still in flux enough that I don’t quite feel settled and that is contributing to the chaos right now. This weekend I need to finish getting my environment in order, then I’ll be able to fully focus on some other things like writing!

I have to remind myself that this quiet time is still work, even when I don’t have pen to paper, my brain/heart/soul are still sorting things out and that will make the writing all the better. I also have a ten page deadline on March 5th that is looming in the distance so I have to get back on the horse soon.

Talk soon.

Breathe and Re-boot

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The beginning of 2010 has been one of the craziest that I can remember. Between graduate school and an internship, moving, coaching and attempting to work as a substitute teacher as often as I can – I’m exhausted.

I love the school that I’m interning at. Ironically, Goldrick is the elementary school I would have attended if we had stayed downtown. I’m in a wonderful third grade class. I’m learning so much from the teacher and the students, but it’s been hard to juggle everything and keep sane.

That said, I’m finally feeling a little more settled this week and will be working out a new schedule so that won’t have to neglect my other passions – writing and music. I can’t recall the last time I sat down to write and I’m definitely feeling it. It’s so important for my soul and peace of mind. Even if it’s only a sentence. I HAVE TO WRITE EVERYDAY!!! My poor abandoned guitar! I’m feeling that pull again and need to give it my attention. I also need to set a goal for performing. A deadline always helps to keep me in line.

I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts. A bi-polar trapeze act of great advancement in some life areas and extreme lows in others. I’m in it and I’m trying to stay present and positive. I think the daily writing will help. This is an opportunity to change this habit of setting myself on the back burner once and for all. I don’t want to struggle any longer. Establishing better boundaries and managing MY time needs to become a priority.

I’m up to the challenge and I will check back in again soon.

P.S. I’m still receiving amazing TCC feedback and I’m so grateful for all the comments!

Thank you again~!