Season Change

Colorado has experienced a significant cold front with the changing of the season this year. Mere hours after the Autumn Equinox, it was in the high eighties, but overnight the rain came in and our temperatures have continued to drop throughout the weekend. It is currently forty-one degrees. I had to pull my comforter up last night for the first time in a long time and this morning I had to grab a sweatshirt and dig around for some slippers. Yesterday I read, as it gently rained outside and my green chili simmered on the stove.

As I mention every year, Fall is my favorite season. I am looking forward to the beauty and the light. I feel more reflective this time of year and I welcome the change that the season brings. However these first days of fall are gloomy and cold. I can’t help but think the outside is mirroring my inside. This year has been difficult in so many ways, both personal and global. There is so much to be sad and angry about. I have been on a roller coaster of emotion, especially for the past two months. I am hopeful and working for change within myself and in the world, but some days it feels overwhelming and I wonder if things will ever be good again. I am a silver-linings person, but I have been learning lately that there are certain things I just can’t fix and it is difficult not to get mired down in that.

There is grief in that realization, but there is also freedom in the sense that I can only control my reaction to things. I can have boundaries and take a break. I can make art and write stories and sing songs. Will that change the world? Maybe, may be not. Will it change my inner world? Absolutely, because I feel more grounded and strong when I participate in those activities. Can I send all my love and compassion to people who are hurting? Yes, and I can be an ally and work to find other tangible ways to help. 

Eventually the clouds will part, the temperature will rise and the sun will shine on the beauty of the world around me. It’s all still there, and I will be grateful to see it again. I am thankful for this seasonal change reminding me to embrace the changes I experience in my life. Today I appreciate these comfy slippers and a warm house, while I reflect on how to proceed when the sun  returns. 

Babies and Comfy Shoes

Today has been a weird day. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. I was thinking about my emotional theatrics today right before I started blogging and I realized why I’m extra emotional, but it sucks nonetheless.

I yelled at my brother for no reason. Well there was a reason, but that wasn’t what I originally yelled at him about. I didn’t apologize either. But we don’t always have to apologize when we have emotional breakdowns and the other sibling always seems to understand. I will apologize eventually, but it might get me crying again and it’s best to keep to myself at the moment.

On a happier note, I played with a wonderful one-year-old little girl this morning who smiles and my insides melt a bit. There is just something about babies. The way they hold onto your knees as they steady themselves. I’ve always loved little kids, but that love seems to get deeper as I age. I’m sure this sounds like a clock ticking and maybe it is. I just have some other things to focus on first.

I wrote a couple prologues for TCC this weekend and I am really pleased with one of them. I will run it by my trusted readers this coming week.

I also spent my wad on new comfy shoes for teaching. I wanted to get some Dansco’s, but I can’t afford any right now. These will do in the meantime.

And…I will be working on editing TCC the rest of the day. I also promise that I will sit down and write at least 500 words of The Lost. There it’s out in the universe and now I have to do it!