I am no longer harboring thoughts of suicide, thank God. I was able to get out of Dodge this weekend, only for a day, but it was much needed respite from the heat and my current circumstances.
There is a natural hot-springs less than five minutes drive from my parents home. We went for a quick soak before dinner and then back again one more time before bed.
Floating on my back is one of my all time favorite activities. It is the only time I ever truly feel a sense of surrender.
It was a beautiful night with a cool breeze. Only two other people were in the pool with me and I had plenty of room to slide onto my back and float for awhile. The night sky was pitch and covered with more stars than I could count. It even looked like I could see the Milky Way. I don’t really know if that is even possible without a telescope, but it seemed that I could see the Milky Way that night.
I thought about all the things that had been happening and all my dreams for the life I want to create – just outside of my reach at the moment. It is easy to feel like a part of the universe when you are floating under a blanket of stars.
God and I had a heart to heart and I felt calmer than I had all week. I also was able to work more on a book by Julia Cameron called “Finding Water”. I am a big fan of the Artist Way series because I have seen how much they have helped to heal my inner artist. Her essay’s never fail to make me feel vindicated and whole.
It was only one day, yet it was the rejuvenation I was craving so desperately. I was emotional on the way home. I decided to listen to the Original Cast recording of “The Lion King” and every song seemed to move me more than usual. The haunting “He Lives In You” broke me down, and the universe echoed my cries with tears of its own – we drove through torrential rains most of the way home.
I know I am going to make it. I am strong and the hard times will ease up. In the meantime good books and stars help quite a bit!