Today was a red-letter day!
I went to the Titanic exhibit at the Museum of Nature and Science. It was moving and haunting. The weight of it is all. I have always been afraid of the ocean even though I am a skilled swimmer. There is something so beautiful about the ocean, yet so scary! A psychic told me that I died on the titanic in a past life. I am not sure if I believe that, but it would make my fear of the ocean make more sense. I am glad I saw the exhibit. It felt necessary to honor them by being witness to it all.
I have a new fascination with history lately. I am in an Irish in America history class and recently joined a theatre group that is focusing on the labor movement in the U.S. I owe this new interest to history to my professor. He is so passionate about the subject it is difficult not to be wrapped up in it as well. I never gave much thought to my Irish roots, until this class. I have learned so much in the last two months about the Irish, but I have especially learned about myself.
I am also very proud of what we are working on in the theatre group. I have been working very hard in the last six months to forgive myself and accept myself. I am making strides to finally live in the truth of who I am.
I am passionate about creativity and it has been so liberating to be in this group of like-minded individuals. Especially a wonderful woman named Bonnae. We are singing a labor union song together and had not been able to practice before our regular rehearsal last Sunday. We met alone for about a half an hour and it came together almost instantaneously. We were on the same page about everything and our voices blend so well! When we joined the rest of the group, we were asked to sing and my heart almost came out of my chest! We sang and it went amazing, I was so proud of us. It was too perfect for a first performance. I sang full voice, my nerves didn’t shake my confidence. Six months ago that would not have been the case, hell even two months ago that would not have been the case. It is nice to test the waters and have positive experiences.
So even though I have a really big test to study for, I decided to keep the ball on my history lesson rolling. I have been wanting to see “Into the WIld” since a saw a wonderful Oprah show about it a couple of weeks ago. I don’t go to movies often alone, but sometimes it is a nice change of pace on a lazy afternoon. It was a revelation! This wonderful film blew me away. I have so many things I want to say about it and I just don’t know how to begin. First of all Emile Hirsch is a jem in this role. I have felt that he was a very talented actor for quite some time, but this performance is on a different level. Chris reminded my so much of a friend of mine we will call him M. I should say that Chris reminded me of the way M used to be, his old ideals and beliefs, and the way he carried himself. Even Emile’s voice and inflections were uncanny. If I had my eyes closed I would have sworn I was listening to M, the old M. I miss him!
The whole film made me think of my own family. The relationship between the sister and Chris reminded me of my own relationship with Brian, my brother. The agony and hurt feelings surrounding not hearing from him, I understood completely. I would be devastated if I didn’t talk to Brian for a year and a half, yet I also felt sympathetic to her understanding of why he didn’t contact her because he knew she loved him unconditionally and would know it wasn’t meant to hurt her. The one song that is a melodic symbol of my mother and an activity that symbolizes my father were featured in the film.
I could write for the rest of the day about all the things that impressed me about this story, but in the end it all can be summed up in a word – truth.
Thank you Christopher McCandless for the beautiful life you lived and the lessons you left us.